sufficed for a lifetime.

如果不是因为刘昊的追求，这个让我又爱又怕的男人，我也许这一辈子都不会去找张国英，我会把对张国英的这份爱永远地埋藏于心里。想他的时候就到海棠花下去散散步，就这样这一辈子就足够了。

When I encountered Liu Hao, I had no choice but to find Zhang Guoying. At that moment, finding him was my best option.

就是因为遇到了刘昊，让我不得不去找张国英。因为此时我只有去找他，才是我最好的出路。

If I hadn''t met Zhang Guoying, I might have loved Liu Hao and possibly devoted my life to him, advancing and retreating together, striving together, devising strategies for him, and pacifying the world. However, because of Zhang Guoying''s presence, I felt that it would be a betrayal if I fell in love with someone other than him. Zhang Guoying could marry and love someone else first, but I couldn''t allow myself to be that person.

如果没有遇到张国英，我很可能会爱他，并且很可能会倾尽一生与他共同进退，共同拼搏，为他出谋划策，平定四方。可是因为有了张国英这一个人，我感觉如果我爱上了张国英以外的人，那么对张国英就是背叛，他张国英可以先结婚，先爱上别人，但是我不能允许我自己做那个第一人。

I wasn''t entirely sure if Zhang Guoying still felt the same way about me when I went to Liangzhou in the future. He might have fallen in love with someone else or even married by now. Nevertheless, I wanted to find out for myself. If that were the case, I would quietly leave, forget him, and put him out of my mind for the rest of my life.

去凉州我也不是很确定张国英对我还是如初，他说不定爱上了别人，说不定已经有了妻子，可是我还是想自己去确定一下，如果他真的如此，那么我也会一个人默默地离开，把他忘记，一辈子忘掉。